Leaders English debate Thursday

Posted on: September 30, 2008

I have no idea what channel I’ll be watching Thursday when the debates come on.

The English-language debate between Canada’s political leaders? Or Sarah Palin and Joe Biden south of the border?

I’m more enticed by the prospect of a Palin-Biden debate. I want to see if Palin gets destroyed or merely looks silly. If she surprises and holds her own, that in itself would be a victory.

Back in Canada I have the feeling I can predict how our debate will go before it starts.

Harper won’t have a hair out of place, his back will be ramrod straight and he will present monotone lines to the camera.

Stephane Dion will be at his school-boy best, and on the defensive over his carbon tax. This debate is his only chance actually to get outside of the Conservative attack ads trying to define him for voters. Albertans will be surprised he does not have horns growing out of his head. Ninety-four per cent of Albertans watching will refer to him as Pierre Dion.

Jack Layton will be on the attack, he may even be in shirt-sleeves, and will crack the only joke during the entire thing. No one will laugh.

Gilles Duccepe will call everyone on everything, which is all he really has to do to win any votes in Quebec, the only place Bloc runs.

Elizabeth May will add the only sparkle. She will be as articulate as Layton, carry the show, knock Harper’s knees out from under him at least once, but will not, in spite of everything, push one hair out of place on his head. We will all realize then his hair is actually a helmet.

Harper will treat the Liberals and the Green leaders as one person and may address Dion as Miss May throughout.

The two million Canadians watching the debate at the start will be reduced, by half time, to a television audience the size of the population of Biggar, Saskatchewan. By the end of the debate Canadians will have decided to vote for either Elizabeth Dion or Jack Harper, while I may put my money on Sarah Biden.


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